The Shed, The final chapter or so we thought!!!😂😜

 After much debate it was decided we needed a new shed as explained in previous blog post See Here 

To offer a balanced view of events & proceedings Margie hereby known as Brutal but Lovely Overlord (BBLO) has demanded her voice be heard ,so her bracketed comments will be in (RED) where applicable. (They are not really my comments) so you see how it works

So the shed has arrived two weeks ahead of schedule ,damn there efficiency (Hurrah) So the time has come for the Erection! (of the shed).

I have over the last few weeks written several letters to Nick Knowles and his team, with a view that they could erect the shed for their television programme but alas to no good effect, for despite claiming I have 42 children, with another 6 on the way ,5 dogs and 3 cats, one of which only has 3 legs, and a parrot that can cry on demand they won't be coming, apparently my story ,admittedly largely made up is not heart-warming/wrenching enough for their audience, Their reply to my 12th letter was frankly quite rude and apparently if i ignore anymore injunctions it could be jail!

So with dreams of a 7 storey shed ,with views of the Serengeti, underground parking and a heated pool dashed it was on to Plan B. OK so Plan B is out, apparently these days, bringing a boatload of migrants over from Calais to build the shed is not allowed due to  controlling our borders, bloody Brexit,Bloody nanny state full of snowflakes, etc etc! 

So Plan C it is then Do It Myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now recently certain people have cast aspersions about my DIY prowess, mentioning no names, but you know who you are Nicola Evans!! At this point I would like to remind people about previous successful projects: The assembly of the TV Stand and Sideboard from Debenhams (Still standing to be fair) The assembly of the Iron Bedstead from Wayfare which at time of writing is also still standing despite the considerable poun.............. (Stop!! No one needs that image in their heads!!) Fair enough but it might be to late! there was also the successful installation of the Water Butt system with only one near death experience 💀 not to mention the digging of the pond! So fair to say I was fairly confident that a small shed would offer little problem. However the instructions and the BBLO suggested that I would need help, luckily BBLO's son Ashley is good at that sort of thing and willing to help!

The project would be divided into two sections  the laying of the base midweek, with the erection of the shed completed at the weekend, this was acceptable to BBLO as long as there was no slacking. At this point I felt it was time to lay down some ground rules concerning Health and safety, productivity targets, Bonuses, number of Tea Breaks etc.  I suggested an initial tea break rate of 3 per ½ hour ramping up to 5 per ½ hour towards the end of the day, each break to contain 1 cup of Tea and 5 Dark Chocolate Hobnobs per person. Plus, corresponding toilet breaks! BBLO came back with One cup of Tea and a Hobnob on completion of works, this was rejected out of hand by the assembled workforce with dire threats of a walkout, statements such as “one out all out” and “down tools boys” were muttered!!  Eventually after much negotiating, an arm wrestle and 4 goes of Rock, Paper, Scissors it was decided that the BBLO’s offer was very reasonable and maybe a little over generous, although I did manage to negotiate that only the soft whip would be used and only after a period of 30 seconds inactivity. (I Do not own a whip!)    

So with Demolition of the old shed completed some weeks ago see previous post Here and materials brilliantly organized by me, we were ready to go, Ashely duly arrived and work started on the base, this involved Ashely moving the old heavy slabs ,scrapping the ground flat ,doing technical stuff with a Spirit level and builders sand, then repositioning the new and some reused slabs, whilst I lent on a rake offered sage advice such as “that looks flat” and “left a bit on that one” I also held one end of the tape measure on several occasions. Over the course of two nights working not stop for about two hours we had a flat base completed and looking good!! Ashley was full of praise with my contribution saying I did the work of two men; I’m presuming the Chuckle Brothers are a shit hot building firm! There were no notifiable accidents during the works, though Ashley jammed a knuckle, Ouch! I was unhurt (phew)

So with phase one complete it was time for a cup of tea and some hard earned  Hob-nobs (One Hob-Nob) You're evil 😪😪

Some Stats & appropriately captioned  Pics from Phase one below 

Workshare 

Ashley 98% 

Me1% 

Other 11% 

Yes, I know the math doesn’t make sense but BBLO demands 110% at all times! (too right!) 

 

 Swearing  

BBLO 50% (I don’t swear!) Sorry but “get on with it you lazy M?@+@****ing w+***ker !! Counts as swearing in most people's book! 

Ashley 50% (understandably elevated by the caught finger event) 

 

The Old Base

Slabs removed estimates vary about how many I moved it was somewhere between One & Zero

Materials no expense spent  Spared!!

Initial Groundworks plus foot

Sand Applied managed to stop Margie building a castle she's obsessed (No I'm not I just like em a bit)

Early slab positioning

The finished article

Erection time!! (Shed)  

 

Erection Cancelled (Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😰😰😰!!) 

Due to technical difficulties and some quality issues the Shed has had to be sent back (told you not to buy a cheap one off the internet!!) Cheap, Cheap I'll have you know that £47.50 is good money by anyone's reckoning and Cardboard is the latest cutting-edge building material I’ll have you know!! Ask anyone in the trade!! 

The good news is we have purchased a new shed of higher quality and considerably more money (I’m worth it!) Which disappointingly comes with full installation included, therefore denying me the opportunity to show off my legendary DIY skills 😂😂🔧🔨 Denied!! 

The bad news is, there is a 16 week waiting time which means it will probably be January before it is installed ,this apparently, is due to all the twonks who cancelled their foreign holidays needing to spend their money on something and choosing to do up their gardens, bugger!! If only someone hadn’t prevaricated so long, we could have a brand-new shed by now (Why you dirty 😡😡💨💨) hmmm I better adjust the swearing chart above!!  

So hopefully we will soonish have a brand-new shed to put our single Lawn Mower and Strimmer in (and a bed for you if it goes tits up this time) Well I can hardly be blamed for this ,don’t see how it’s my fault at all!